“Play ‘Norwegian Wood,’” said Naoko.
Reiko brought a porcelain beckoning cat from the kitchen. It was a coin bank, and Naoko dropped a hundred-yen piece from her purse into its slot.
“What’s this all about?” I asked.
“It’s a rule,” said Naoko. “When I request ‘Norwegian Wood,’ I have to put a hundred yen into the bank. It’s my favorite, so I make a point of paying for it. I make a request when I really want to hear it.”
“And that way I get my cigarette money!” said Reiko.
Reiko gave her fingers a good flexing and then played “Norwegian Wood.” Again she played with real feeling, but never allowed it to become sentimental. I took a hundred-yen coin from my pocket and dropped it into the bank.
“Thank you,” said Reiko with a sweet smile.
“That song can make me feel so sad,” said Naoko. “I don’t know, I guess I imagine myself wandering in a deep wood. I’m all alone and it’s cold and dark, and nobody comes to save me. That’s why Reiko never plays it unless I request it.”
“Sounds like Casablanca!” Reiko said with a laugh.

-From Norwegian Wood


The emotionally troubled Naoko, the lively, truthful Midori, and Reiko in her 40s that dreams of a normal life – three women that become entangled with the protagonist, in Watanabe’s love story- Haruki Murakami’s Norwegian Wood clearly illustrates the unlimited loss and restoration of the young generation living today.

While I was reading this book, I thought about the ‘reasons for those troubled in their 20s.’ The youth that completely forfeited their teens to receive that ‘College Admission’ notice- as they enter their 20s, the emotions they go through are thought to be a kind of ‘dizziness symptom.’ It could be somewhat described as the vertigo that one feels as they suddenly exit a dark tunnel and face the bright sunlight. It seems like a fated destiny that those in their 20s are troubled when they confront freedom, like an uninvited guest that makes an abrupt appearance.

At 24 years, I was a little late in meeting my fated destiny. As my friends began to end their days of roaming about the big clubs after their heartbreaks over their first loves, I began to worry not as the ‘Progamer Lim Yo Hwan,’ but as the ’24-year-old human Lim Yohwan.'

Since 12th grade, I lived only playing games. From the moment I first played the game called Starcraft, I had no interest in anything but gaming. Starcraft was my destiny. I had not once regretted the path that I had chosen. But one day I looked back on the past events. ‘Being 24, what do I have left but games?’ What I had were only memories and people related to gaming. And because I considered myself to have lived life to the fullest, those times were very precious to me. But questions that I had never thought before, such as ‘How are my other friends of my age doing? What are they striving for?’ began to enter my head.

I had no hobbies other than gaming. My work was gaming, and my hobbies were gaming. I had a girlfriend for a little while, but it did not last long. I was registered in a university, but I could not live the college life like other students. Obviously I did not get to go to an MT (“membership training,” a fun trip between college students) and had not traveled with friends. The only traveling I did was following game events and touring through all the cities of the country. I hardly saw any tv or movies. The album of my 20s was only filled with championship photos and newspapers clippings.

I could not concentrate in my games. I wanted to play. I wanted to play like my other friends of my age. But even playing was not an easy thing. Someone once said, ‘one that has eaten meat before eats it well.’ There were many days spent just thinking of how to go about playing. And because most of my close friends were progamers, it was difficult to make time with their own game tournament schedules. It was also awkward calling my old friends, because I had not been able to keep in touch with them during the time I was gaming. On top of that, I was the type that did not like to do things by myself- if I had to eat alone, I would rather not eat. And so it was difficult to go travel or watch a movie by myself. I was filled with thoughts of wanting to play, but I did not know how to play, or who to play with; I had no one that would play with me, and did not know how to resolve that feeling. I simply spent the days idly at the living quarters.

The thoughts of wanting to play pressed heavily. I had rather wanted those thoughts to secretly disappear. But the thoughts that coiled around inside my head that would not budge...these simple wantings to play then developed to a youth’s troubles. The games that I was so crazy about were no longer interesting. I did not know what to do. The genial days of spring had arrived, but I was still confined in my own cave, as though I had not awakened from the winter sleep. I could not see the daylight.

With my head mixed up like this, there was no way that my games could unfold properly. When there is a difficult problem, I cannot concentrate in my games, even during my practices. Even practices require a significant amount of strength and concentration. If one thinks about something else and just goes through the practice, the practice becomes useless. The biggest problem, however, was not being able to concentrate during tournaments. It happened to a certain tournament that I had entered. The game was being broadcasted live, but I involuntarily was thinking about something else. The fans that watched were probably confused, thinking, “Why is he doing that?” When one cannot concentrate in the game, all reflexes slow down. Simply put, the opponent steals the timing from you. One that acquires the timing within the game is able to control the game. At some point, I had begun to play games where I was continuously dragged along. I was the one most surprised by the fact that I had begun to think of other things during the match. Though I had prepared a lot for the match, I lost because I was thinking of something else. How could something like this happen? Something that I could never allow in the past, something that just could not happen was developing.

People began to say, “The days of Lim Yohwan have passed.” There were talks of “How did Lim Yohwan become such an easy opponent?” and disappointed voices of “Lim Yohwan is not like before. He’s not the old Lim Yohwan.” It was true, even when I thought about it. A progamer is evaluated based on his results. The results were obvious, as I had not produced any wins, but continually showed myself losing. In the past, even when I had lost, I prided myself to losing brilliantly, and my fans liked my hardworking self…but they were just thoughts. I leaned against the cheers of my fans and sat alone, afflicted. And the results surfaced during the matches.

Starting from spring 2003, I was not able to produce any exceptional results in the individual leagues. In the proleague and team leauges, my juniors performed better than myself, and we took the championship. Still, I had not once been unable to enter the Ongamenet Starleague. Since the 2001 Hanbit Ongamenet Starleague, I had not left the Starleague scene. Nine consecutive advances to the Ongamenet Starleague was a record that no one else could follow. And now the Dual Tournament started for the tenth consecutive entrance to the Starleague.

After defeating Jun Sangwook Midas[gm], I entered the winners' final, but I lost to Park Jungsuk [Oops]Reach and fell to the losers' final. I faced the rookie Zerg, Park Sungjun July[z-zone] that appeared like a comet, and we fought for the last ticket to the Starleague. With the initial marine, medic, and firebat combination, I went straight for a rush, but Park Sungjun calmly blocked it, and the dogfight of attack and defense continued. The problem lied in my overconfidence. I thought to myself, ‘This should be enough to put me at an advantage. I would be able to finish it off with this amount.’ I thought I was unfolding my plays in the way I had intended, but that was a miscalculation. My units were not able to damage the opponent’s base, and had been annihilated. The tide of the battle had turned, and the dreams of a tenth consecutive entrance to the Ongamenet Starleague came to nothing.

A poet once said that something that falls to the ground has wings. Am I falling right now? Just because a bird does not fly does not mean it has lost its wings. I have not lost my wings. I am merely tired and just stopping to rest. Just for a brief moment…